Sunday, October 30, 2005

Focks News Alert!

Who wants to take bets on whether I make 50 posts before 1000 blog hits?

It’s so exciting, I have my birthday/xmas present video camera, so now I can be a deranged indie film nut who is after the “perfect shot” like surfers hunt the “perfect wave.”

In other news, I am 4 days into my web comic experiment and I haven’t quit yet. I certainly outlasted MY expectations. Plus, today’s was long and in colour, so I feel accomplished. Not to mention that I’ve done all this around copious exam study. BAH stupid exams. It’ll all be over when that heart gets to the end. (18 days)

Friday, October 28, 2005

Lookee Me Ma!

Just give me a moment of free time, and damnit, Look what I can do!

My new Web comic, No Horse Town, is now up and running, and can be seen via the link in the sidebar, or by going to


In other news, I am the proud owner of new thongs, as well as a chocolate bar. I could not be happier unless the pope came down to my room and said, “I’m bored of God, you be pope for a bit.”

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Hat Almost Full of Hollow

Damnit my love life sucks. Just thought you should know. I really am lonely, but not that lonely yet.

Note to readers, there were more comments on that last post than I’ve ever had here before. Much thanks for your patronage.

There’s a long list of things that I have which I intend to now that I’m going to have time and I figure I’ll rant for a while about them here. It’s very narcissistic. I really feel right at home.

Number ONE: Learn Ventriloquism.
I guess I’m not going to stress that I actually have to be very good at it, but I do think that it’s sure a great thing to have the general theory of under your belt. I think If anyone’s going to end up doing stand-up comedy for 6 months because busking is too low, and working too hard, it’s going to be me, and ventriloquism is a great and dying art.

Number TWO: Finish Gus #5.
Sheesh, this one explains itself. Long time huh. Stupid comics.

Number THREE:
I’m actually going to learn that stupid organ frill at the beginning of La Gadda da Vida, on the guitar, and play it until my dad kicks me out. That’ll be nice.

I will also fight to make it a felony to not be in my house. I really, really am bored. Plait your pubic hair too.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Open Letter

I have no incentive to kill you
But I would.

I am under no coercion to fuck you
But I would.

I feel no compulsion to be near you
But I could be.

I do not have to love you
So remember that.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Feelin' Old

Well, yes, it’s my birthday.
I’m 17 and I guess that’s somewhat of an achievement since biologically the human species is only supposed to live until 19, when all our breeding should have been done. Stupid species.

Well, the night’s not over. You’re not trying hard enough.
Macca got me quite a lot of beer. We drank it very efficiently. Then played cricket. I guess that was fun.

Also I never have to go to school again, but that’s a moot point.

Everything is very satisfactory isn’t it?

I want to be a non-dying martyr. Someone who sacrifices a metaphorical life for a cause. Yeah. And then when we are old and beautiful, and the night shines as powerful as a Melbourne stallion, we can stare at our thumbs and wonder where all the good songs went, where all the better TV might be, and who the lost kisses of the ones that got away found swimming in this ocean of never.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

See the picture!

When that love heart gets to the end of all that grass, it means I have FINISHED TEE.

See. Love is racing towards my sweet, sweet freedom. Unadulterated party, sex and band recording!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

A Distorted Reality is Now a Necessity to be Free

You get what you see, but some things they just change invisibly…

How is everyone?
I feel like moving into a giant bubble where everything is in there except for the real world.

I want to take up cigar and brandy appreciation. I will. Fuck wanting things that can happen. I’m too old and clever for that.
There’s an old saying in Europe, “If you dream of America then you will eat potatoes, so dream of large potatoes.”

I just made that up.

Shit on everything. Call it art.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Fuck Tom Brady

I think that just about sums it up for me.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Bad News for People who love Geoff Gallop

Do not go gentle into that good night
Rage, Rage against the dying of the light


Go here:
Best thing ever.

Also I bought a 4-track. It’s like sex, but it actually cost more. And it doesn’t get sticky when you stroke its slot. At least I hope not. My tapes might spoil. I need headphones with a fat jack tho.

Clinically, I should actually have died today because there wasn’t much to do. And no one to talk to. I hate it when there’s absolutely no one who you can ramble at. Not even some random on the Clarkson train who wanted me to tell them about the Country Bears.

STAPLER, CHOCOLATE, SPEAKERS, PEN, SELF is what I am looking at right now. If you can’t see the same things, you’re probably not an alien symbiotic plant leeching off my lower cortex for precious optic nutrients. Or maybe you are, but are pretending not to be. Who really actually knows any more. Maybe superman does. Nic Cage’s child is called Kal-el. Maybe he’s the one who knows. I doubt it. Someone will probably kidnap him and steal his skin, just like they did to all the other supermen.

Speaking of things that sound like Nic Cage, Nick Cave’s film The Proposition has a crap title doesn’t it. It sounds like it should star meryl streep. It doesn’t though. It’s good. I hear.

Until you’ve formed an opinion on Nick Cave, don’t eat anything containing blue. No green food, blue food or purple food. Blue food?

Go eat blue food.

Babies and empathy,  xox  

Thursday, October 06, 2005

I got more infinity than ya

Yes! 666 hits on my Blog! Take that Jesus. Should have read my ramblings while you still could! Dances satanic dance.

English exams meant communist espousal. That was kinda fun I guess, but it still sucks writing that many pages in 3 hours.

Just picked up the Wolfmother EP. Can’t wait until their sexy new album hits this country soon. And I’ll miss them because I’ll be too broke from all that leavers’ whiskey to go to Rock-it.

WOOOOOOOO. I found a store that sells new 4-track tape recorders. They still make them. How funky is that? Watch out demented world. I also went guitar shopping for a new really really old guitar, cos I want to sand one down and paint it all sorts of crazy things, then re-string and re-everything it. I can’t believe no where has them! I want crap and I want it now! Apparently even good old stolen goods dealers Cash Converters have upped their class level a notch and only sell “nice” guitars. Craaaaaarrrrp. Still, I have 3 already. Maybe another would just be silly.

I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a stitch to wear. Dancing. Aren’t the smiths just great. I can actually dance to record. Can’t do that with Fleetwood mac. New records I have include pearl jam and very very soon the vinyl version of the Shins’ oh inverted world. I hope. I saw it. I just don’t have 20 bucks cash.

I wish you would all come to my house so that we could drink juice together and talk about the weather. I really do.

LOVE will probably just tear us apart again.

But still, LOVE.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


That’s right! 3-1-0

Well, my beautiful Atlanta Falcons have done it again, demolishing Minnesota 30 to 10. That’s three touchdowns and three field goals wham bam thank you very much beat that you no good crap mongers.
Unfortunately we have to play the reigning gods of the Superbowl New England this Sunday, and we probably won’t win. Not cos we’re crap or anything, just that what with all Michael Vick’s recent… ahem… unpleasantness. That said, the way NE are playing right now, we might just give them a royal ass whupping, plus we’re playing at home. That’s right. Atlanta 3-1, NE 2-2. Suck on that Rodney Harrison and Kevin Faulk.
Anyways, what a season the NFL is shaping up to be! Jacksonville, Cincinnati, and Tampa Bay all undefeated thus far and going 4-0 is good. Very good. Which is weird. Those are the kind of teams that did NOT make playoffs last year. Another surprise chef contender is Miami, who are sitting at the top of their division looking swanky because of the biggest upset of all - New England have done an ancient Rome on us and cracked from the inside. Let’s hope that trend continues this week. They just took their first home ground loss in 1015 days. All thanks to the Chargers. Who are also hot property.

Enough football, it’s just that it’s so boring in between sport seasons here. Maybe Australia vs. World XI cricket will make it better.
Exams are still hard, had history today. That was gruelling, there was more writing than an English paper, stupid Khrushchev.

There are these awesome berry chewy muesli bar things, I dunno what they’re called, but I’m addicted.
Speaking of berry, I saw the absolute funniest movie I’ve seen in ages the other night, and it was all a little something called “The Country Bears.”
If you missed it, which most would have because it was billed as a children’s film, then I’ll bust out the premise, storyline and funniest moments for you. First of all, the deal is there was this band called the Country Bears, who were country rock gods, but they’ve long broken up for the usual reasons. One unusual thing is that they actually all are bears. Life size bears. This would be ok if it was an animated film, or if everyone in that movie were bears, or talking animals, but it was JUST THEM. JUST 6 GUYS IN HUGE BEAR SUITS! And the best bit of all, was that nobody made mention of the fact they were bears. Nobody found it strange that they were actually bears, and better yet, a human woman, in a completely human family, didn’t find it at all weird that she gave birth to a bear cub. NOR DID THE HUSBAND. If my wife gave birth and it didn’t look like me, I’d go for the lawyers, if it wasn’t the same species as me, I’d go for the shotgun.
Anyways, so this kid bear tries to encourage the country bears to get back together because he loves their music, and they’re gonna knock down bear hall, some music place. Here’s where is gets great.
The bank manager who wants to knock the place down is played by, of all people, Christopher Walken, the most serious, straight faced, light footed evil man on the planet, and he played this nutcase who plans to drop a stereotypical 50 tonne triangular weight on the bear’s hall. To stop this happening the bears throw a reunion concert and heart-warmingly go around collecting the old members. It’s also a musical. With Elton John. Did I mention that? Well it just gets nuttier.
So they call up their old promoter, who is long out of work, and gets him to promote the show. All well and good until the camera zooms out and he’s sitting at a desk in an office supply store where a clerk is asking him to stop doing that. Comic gold!
There’s also a fat bear called Big Al, who’s obsessed with people staying off his grass, who’s best line is telling the policemen where they can find him. “Here… or jus’ over there… or sometimes by that tree for a bit.”
Oh, and a roadie called Roadie. AND THE POLICEMEN! They had these two cops that were after the bears for some reason, I think cos they thought they kidnapped Berry, the kid bear, and they were these hilarious guys.
“Will you find our son?” “Ma’am, we’ll do more than that.” Pause. “How can we do more than that? What are we gonna do, find him twice? Let’s go.”
     “Let’s get mobile.” “Why can’t you just say, ‘let’s go,’ or ‘c’mon’ why always ‘Let’s get mobile?”
     “Suspicious activity at two o’clock.” “How can you know that?”

So if you get the chance to see it, do. It’s got a good soundtrack too. And a hot waitress.

Well, more later. I’m gonna go bathe in vegetable oil, then dive onto a half pipe.
Stay erotic, wherever you are.
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