Friendship

Friendship is rare, do you know what I’m sayin to you? Friendship is rare.

So how much of a let down was the census. Here was me, amped and excited, spreading the good word around for the last 6 months, and it was lame. You have a compulsory survey for all Australians only ONCE every five years, and THOSE were the best questions you could come up with!?

Tips for 2011, though I hope not to be round here to fill it out:

1. Which laws does this person consider unnecessary?


2. How many sexual partners has this person had?


3. How many continents has this person visited?


4. Write a sentence or two describing the person’s demeanor for retrospective examination.


5. List the 5 most often enjoyed hobbies of the person.

And that’s jut the start of a long list I am compiling for when I’m head of the Bureau of Statistics.

While we’re making lists, here are 5 completely minor household things I noticed this morning that sound startlingly like deeply symbolic management tips:

1. Cereal first, then milk. You have to do the groundwork in business before the fancy stuff. If you outlay your purchasing power on dressings and sales without adequate product backing, you’re only setting yourself up for disproportionate returns.


2. Taking a little cold water out of the shower does more than putting in lots of hot. Getting rid of a few people bringing the team down will always make a greater difference than adding a bunch of high-profile hotshots.


3. When you run out of towels you should wash some. Sometimes it is easy to continually wipe clean the business, but you can never forget that the cleaning system needs to be attended to as well. Anyone can “shower” their corporation with fresh workers and products all the time, but can you sustain this?


4. If you don’t feed the dog it will die. Every company has a ‘dog’, the offshoot, department or product that doesn’t seem to serve any purpose. It certainly doesn’t create profits, yet you sink money into it anyway. The one thing you know is that if you let the dog die, your little sister company might cry for months. Dogs have no immediate value, but the underlying ties require businesses to maintain them, even when they’re shitting on your furniture.


5. Using soft toys as slippers feels great until you realize you look like an idiot. It’s easy to make safe and childish moves, but everyone else will think you’re an immature manager. Be prepared for cold, unemotional feet if you want to leave an impression on your clients and the business community.

You can buy my book for just $29.99 when I get around to writing it. :D