Those Eyes I've Always Loved

But you let me down. You could have knocked off the evening, but you lonelily let him push under your bones… you let me down. It’s no use deceiving – neither of us want to be alone.

So I shouldn’t be blogging. There is so much work to do and so little time, so many people that need impressing, women that need time and things, men that need mateship and drinking, older men that need my paid hours, older women that need my bloodlines as an excuse for why I need their compassion. However! Some of the greater unwashed feel the need to make me feel loved, or at the least read, and so I must comply to your ego stroking demands.

One G.K. Chesterton (who I’ve recently been hurled into) wrote that we are alarmed by the world because the world is a very alarming place. That we dislike being alone because being alone is such an awful idea. That we fear because there are things to be feared. I quite like these somewhat obvious-at-first statements.

There was a moment before the phone rang,
When in the air some greater
Silence reigned.
Though the whole world paused to warn him,
Nothing could have prepared
Rob today.

Shaking in his mirrored stunned silence,
Rob jumbled in circles

On second thoughts, no, I was about to delete that but I genuinely think it’s more fun for you all to see my editing process tonight. Not everything you see is what I type. It only sounds like free-association; in the real moment, I’m all care, calm and constructed. Let’s try again. This time with a better thematic for my man, yes?

Rob fell in love with Mandy so young,
They thought it couldn’t be.
Severed friends pointed knowing weary fingers,
Jealous,
But assured of the world’s fair injustice looming to cull the twittering birds.

Rob and Mandy did many things,
All of them done before.
And winter mornings felt bitter warmth,
Angry,
That such heated certainty dared to warm against the ice of the world.

And in the years and with the world they drifted parallel.
All the while, Rob said, there is one thing for me
To wake with you beside me.
And in the sun they smiled and in the dark they made it sun.
All the while, Mandy said, to you forever more,
You will wake with me beside you.

Rob and Mandy stayed long together,
That they surprised themselves.
And aging flames paid longing alimony,
Searching,
For the juvenile spark that held the less jaded at arm’s length from the real.

Rob and Mandy loved so long into age,
That age loved them in return.
And crones and senile in-crowds,
Withered,
Whilst some fire hidden from the hands of well-meaning thieves burnt on within.

And in time, they were defeated by no one.
Except perhaps themselves, because
Rob lay promised beside her,
And never woke.

Well that was better, I admit. But too long. I didn’t think it came off with the almost spiritual intensity I meant it to. Maybe I shouldn’t write happy, in case it comes out saccharine. Let’s try shorter, and artsier.

Rob, I am in love with you,
Mandy admitted over the phone.
And because there is no answer to such words,
Words left him.
Alone.



Yep. That was it. I knew it was somewhere, just took some digging tonight eh. It must be my abnormal good mood. You’re great. xox