Buying a bed
I don't know if my dear readership has seen the rather droll Monty Python sketch entitled "Buying a bed" in which various pythons attempt to purchase a bed from various other pythons with hilarious results, but the EXACT same thing happened to me today.
If you have, you'll know that Mr Lambert and Mr Can'trememberthebastard'sname (not real name) have many peculiar habits like how they always say 10 times the number they mean, or somesuch, and then Mr Lambert puts a bucket on his head. WELL! I was in Ikea - lovable, beautiful swedish sexy store - when this sales assistent who actually was from Sweden (!) rocks up and starts using all this terminology to describe the sofa bed I wanted. Anyhoo, if you've been to Ikea (or sweden) you'll know that they speak a completely different language and this makes it stupid.
FOR EXAMPLE: The pillow I wanted was of the brand "Beddinge" and then matress "Linnenex." So I've got this bloody swede talking about bedding and linen and I'm all "no, i'd like to buy a bed please," "ya ya, you be wanting linnenex and beddinge" "NO Damnit! I want something to sleep on!" (sales assistent 2)- "when she says Linnenex, she means bed." "oh. Well wouldn't it be easier to say bed?" "not in sweden" "how many swedish people do you see here?" *points at sales assistent 1* *I lose argument.*
In other news I made my own pair of metrosexual pants today. Not only was it fun, buty practical, as I have to wear them to a costume partay tomorrow night. I'm such a Yves Saint Lauren. That's right sweden! I can spell Yves!
Well, after months of badgering the deputy headmaster, he finally gave in to my demands and cancelled school for two weeks. My spirits were high until someone pointed out they coincided with the already scheduled holidays. We will be having a discussion.
What it means though is that I now have 15 days in which to 1) surf, 2) draw things, 3) finish my art project, 4) finish my drama project, 5) have many band rehearsals 6) sleep on my new bed 7) read this book called Broken Lives and with all other available time, learn Swahili. You think I'm kidding but that's because I am. Still... it's an interesting concept. I might. I just might.
Did you know that according to a link i found on www.bored.com , 84% of polled people wold rather be in a dark, confined space alone, than in a well lit room with michael jackson. I'M SORRY? He's the goddam king of pop! Who wouldn't want to meet michael jackson!? Who did they poll? 20 000 argentinian 11 year olds? I'd love to talk to him. It'd be like talking to an alien. Which I also intend to do.
I have a sudden, and unquashable urge for Jelly. god i'd like some jelly. But there is none...
Back. I wnet to the kitchen to find a substitute and there was only plum jam. EWWW. never, never eat without toast/other carbs. It had the consistency and colour of afterbirth.
Quick breakdown of Get Behind Me Satan, which I might edit a bit later, a la my Hey There Bomb review.
1) Blue Orchid : New and also old. Blue Orchid is one of the few songs on this album that could really fit in any of the 'Stripes back catalogue. It has punchy guitars, punchy, very meg sounding drums, and a hook that could have come off Elephant. I think what's powerful about this short number is the accusatory tragedy within the chorus lyrics. "You got a reaction didn't you?" The flower metaphors and the scientific bent, coupled with the raw hate in jack's voice make this opener a stand out track and a fine first single.
2) The Nurse: The new and old mix did not last for very long. Here we see the kind of track the band usually stick around number 8, or as the last track, complete with marimba intro and experimental drum attacks. But as is the way of the White "siblings", they make it work. The simple instrumentation adds to the dark of the song, and the utterly, utterly amazing lyrical ability comes through. Jack keeps getting weirder and more country with his music, but is continuing to push himself in songwriting, so that the rock tone, and the stuff the band was built on is still there, despite the serious lack of driving guitar. The Nurse is weird, but not downhill weird like Revolution 9, uphill weird.
3) My Doorbell: And then just when you thought it had all gone down the drain, along comes the old school sound, the simple hook, simple strightfoward songwriting of albums past. Not sure if this song really fits on Satan, it's very trad. white stripes, but the familiarity of it makes a nice reassuring touch after the climatic finish to The Nurse. I'm disappointed this album wasn't released on vinyl like Elephant, because I think that really helped us better understand the structure of the album. Songs were grouped according to sides, and My Doorbell is really the end of side one, the intro of the album. The tone is set, some weird, some the same as always, but it's a strong exposition and an instant radio player despite being basic and repetitious.
4) Forever for Her (Is Over for Me) There are three song titles on this album that i just love, actual song regardless and this is one of them. What a great phrase. it highlights jacks ability for pseudo rhyme, alliteration and assonance, bloody everything. He's so damn good. Just in that one sentence fragment sums up why i love jack's writing. And then the actual song begins and it's even better. Jumpy, laid back, somehow deeply, almost humourously sad, this track is awesome. Just simply put "if i knew what to do then I'd do it," sums up so many people's attitudes to relationships mine included and it's very smoothly integrated. This song just flows over me and it's one of the best on the record. It's fluid, maintains their indie sound but is also radio playable and makes me smile. Definately a classic.
5) Little Ghost: Catchiest, tackyest chorus since Hotel Yorba, Little Ghost pumps with country quick country-mocking rythm and drawl, and simultaneously makes fun of the genre and falls into all it's categories. It's got metaphors all over the place and the first instance of one of this albums two repeated symbols - ghosts. Sharp and short White once again proves that they wear those awful, awful tassel jackets for a reason.
6) The Denial Twist: I cannot convey how much I love this song. BEST SONG ON THE WHOLE ALBUM. It's got a very distinct feel to it, with new and interesting twists. This sounds like everything and nothing they've done before which is an amazing achievement, replicated by most of the rest of the album. It's got great singalong lyrics, it's short, clean and has a balance of guitar, piano and drum sounds, and is just all round an unfound smash hit. Plus, i've discovered it's very, very, danceable to.
7) White Moon: Good opening verse. I feel like this is a bit of a dragging track though , it tries and has a good little piano riff, but it's just one quiet whimsy song too many. I do like the drum risings at the ends of lines, but what can I say, it's good, but we're in the thick of the album now and to be perfectly honest the average listener tunes out right about here on records and this song helps.
8) Instinct Blues: One of Meg's little forays into singing, they are usually wonderful and a little scary and this is no exception. That said it's very interesting. These types of short songs, or often instrumentals, I've been seeing a lot in albums lately, it appears to be a sub-fad that's really taking off and I must say I enjoy it. The ears need a break sometimes, the mind needs a rest, and whilst all of them can be looked into much more, they are delightful when placed well. Good examples - REM and Eliott Smith.
9) Passive Manipulation: Finally!!! Something harder! It took them much longer than usual to reach their tougher rock roots, but here it is, and it sounds great. Like on Button to Button, we can hear real musical flair and pop catchiness inside the fuzz. This is fantastic. It's full on, but so great and meaningful. I want him to start yelling out some Zac De La Rocha lines.
10) Take, Take Take: It's a great song... now doubt about it. But it's just that... well... I dunno... the whole thing lets me down a little. Jack's been building up this Rita Hayworth stuff for a while now (major symbol #2, people) and when he gets to Take Take Take it feels much much more forced than other tracks. The themes are still powerful, they just aren't veiled in the usual great song lines a la Blue Orchid. That said I think playing the music whilst singing at the same time must almost kill jack. It's syncopated like a fox.
11) As Ugly As I Seem: This is song title number 2 that I absolutely adore. It's just great. Unfortunately I don't like the song very much. Personal opinion though. I get to this part of almost every album and keep finding that the artists put their slow songs, like this there. Nightswimming is on Automatic for the People, Raining in Baltimore is on August and Everything After, Coldplay's latesat album, Kings of Leon's latest album, Even Nick Cave's abbatoir blues... this is the part of the record that always is slow where I want it to be fast. Fast and catchy, bringing me to a climax before a slow, outgoing last song. Instead, i keep getting these lesser songs, not quite good enough to go in the early stuff, relegated to the dark park where the ugly animals play. Good name, but i'd take this song out.
12) Red Rain: This song is to die for. Don't take my word for it. You have to hear it for yourself. It's sooooo..... good. Even the title evokes scenes of beautiful horror, simple hell drawn out on guitars. the best way to describe this song is Aesthetic Pain.
13) I'm Lonely (But I ain't that lonely yet): In case you couldn't guess, this is the other title I just fell for. And it's a great song. Just absolutely perfect. The White Stripes REALLY know how to end an album (Your Southern Can Is Mine, Well It's True That We Love One Another) and they don't break a good trend now. Why I like it so much is that It feels like a cover version. It sounds so much like Jack doing a great, innuendo laden mix up of a country classic, but it's all new gold. Just a plain great song that I don't doubt will be covered in the future by many other people. This is the quiet let down I want, and I like it. The album leaves me kind of darkened, but smiling and content that there's a lot to be said for alcoholic cynicism.
4 and 1/2 stars.
If you have, you'll know that Mr Lambert and Mr Can'trememberthebastard'sname (not real name) have many peculiar habits like how they always say 10 times the number they mean, or somesuch, and then Mr Lambert puts a bucket on his head. WELL! I was in Ikea - lovable, beautiful swedish sexy store - when this sales assistent who actually was from Sweden (!) rocks up and starts using all this terminology to describe the sofa bed I wanted. Anyhoo, if you've been to Ikea (or sweden) you'll know that they speak a completely different language and this makes it stupid.
FOR EXAMPLE: The pillow I wanted was of the brand "Beddinge" and then matress "Linnenex." So I've got this bloody swede talking about bedding and linen and I'm all "no, i'd like to buy a bed please," "ya ya, you be wanting linnenex and beddinge" "NO Damnit! I want something to sleep on!" (sales assistent 2)- "when she says Linnenex, she means bed." "oh. Well wouldn't it be easier to say bed?" "not in sweden" "how many swedish people do you see here?" *points at sales assistent 1* *I lose argument.*
In other news I made my own pair of metrosexual pants today. Not only was it fun, buty practical, as I have to wear them to a costume partay tomorrow night. I'm such a Yves Saint Lauren. That's right sweden! I can spell Yves!
Well, after months of badgering the deputy headmaster, he finally gave in to my demands and cancelled school for two weeks. My spirits were high until someone pointed out they coincided with the already scheduled holidays. We will be having a discussion.
What it means though is that I now have 15 days in which to 1) surf, 2) draw things, 3) finish my art project, 4) finish my drama project, 5) have many band rehearsals 6) sleep on my new bed 7) read this book called Broken Lives and with all other available time, learn Swahili. You think I'm kidding but that's because I am. Still... it's an interesting concept. I might. I just might.
Did you know that according to a link i found on www.bored.com , 84% of polled people wold rather be in a dark, confined space alone, than in a well lit room with michael jackson. I'M SORRY? He's the goddam king of pop! Who wouldn't want to meet michael jackson!? Who did they poll? 20 000 argentinian 11 year olds? I'd love to talk to him. It'd be like talking to an alien. Which I also intend to do.
I have a sudden, and unquashable urge for Jelly. god i'd like some jelly. But there is none...
Back. I wnet to the kitchen to find a substitute and there was only plum jam. EWWW. never, never eat without toast/other carbs. It had the consistency and colour of afterbirth.
Quick breakdown of Get Behind Me Satan, which I might edit a bit later, a la my Hey There Bomb review.
1) Blue Orchid : New and also old. Blue Orchid is one of the few songs on this album that could really fit in any of the 'Stripes back catalogue. It has punchy guitars, punchy, very meg sounding drums, and a hook that could have come off Elephant. I think what's powerful about this short number is the accusatory tragedy within the chorus lyrics. "You got a reaction didn't you?" The flower metaphors and the scientific bent, coupled with the raw hate in jack's voice make this opener a stand out track and a fine first single.
2) The Nurse: The new and old mix did not last for very long. Here we see the kind of track the band usually stick around number 8, or as the last track, complete with marimba intro and experimental drum attacks. But as is the way of the White "siblings", they make it work. The simple instrumentation adds to the dark of the song, and the utterly, utterly amazing lyrical ability comes through. Jack keeps getting weirder and more country with his music, but is continuing to push himself in songwriting, so that the rock tone, and the stuff the band was built on is still there, despite the serious lack of driving guitar. The Nurse is weird, but not downhill weird like Revolution 9, uphill weird.
3) My Doorbell: And then just when you thought it had all gone down the drain, along comes the old school sound, the simple hook, simple strightfoward songwriting of albums past. Not sure if this song really fits on Satan, it's very trad. white stripes, but the familiarity of it makes a nice reassuring touch after the climatic finish to The Nurse. I'm disappointed this album wasn't released on vinyl like Elephant, because I think that really helped us better understand the structure of the album. Songs were grouped according to sides, and My Doorbell is really the end of side one, the intro of the album. The tone is set, some weird, some the same as always, but it's a strong exposition and an instant radio player despite being basic and repetitious.
4) Forever for Her (Is Over for Me) There are three song titles on this album that i just love, actual song regardless and this is one of them. What a great phrase. it highlights jacks ability for pseudo rhyme, alliteration and assonance, bloody everything. He's so damn good. Just in that one sentence fragment sums up why i love jack's writing. And then the actual song begins and it's even better. Jumpy, laid back, somehow deeply, almost humourously sad, this track is awesome. Just simply put "if i knew what to do then I'd do it," sums up so many people's attitudes to relationships mine included and it's very smoothly integrated. This song just flows over me and it's one of the best on the record. It's fluid, maintains their indie sound but is also radio playable and makes me smile. Definately a classic.
5) Little Ghost: Catchiest, tackyest chorus since Hotel Yorba, Little Ghost pumps with country quick country-mocking rythm and drawl, and simultaneously makes fun of the genre and falls into all it's categories. It's got metaphors all over the place and the first instance of one of this albums two repeated symbols - ghosts. Sharp and short White once again proves that they wear those awful, awful tassel jackets for a reason.
6) The Denial Twist: I cannot convey how much I love this song. BEST SONG ON THE WHOLE ALBUM. It's got a very distinct feel to it, with new and interesting twists. This sounds like everything and nothing they've done before which is an amazing achievement, replicated by most of the rest of the album. It's got great singalong lyrics, it's short, clean and has a balance of guitar, piano and drum sounds, and is just all round an unfound smash hit. Plus, i've discovered it's very, very, danceable to.
7) White Moon: Good opening verse. I feel like this is a bit of a dragging track though , it tries and has a good little piano riff, but it's just one quiet whimsy song too many. I do like the drum risings at the ends of lines, but what can I say, it's good, but we're in the thick of the album now and to be perfectly honest the average listener tunes out right about here on records and this song helps.
8) Instinct Blues: One of Meg's little forays into singing, they are usually wonderful and a little scary and this is no exception. That said it's very interesting. These types of short songs, or often instrumentals, I've been seeing a lot in albums lately, it appears to be a sub-fad that's really taking off and I must say I enjoy it. The ears need a break sometimes, the mind needs a rest, and whilst all of them can be looked into much more, they are delightful when placed well. Good examples - REM and Eliott Smith.
9) Passive Manipulation: Finally!!! Something harder! It took them much longer than usual to reach their tougher rock roots, but here it is, and it sounds great. Like on Button to Button, we can hear real musical flair and pop catchiness inside the fuzz. This is fantastic. It's full on, but so great and meaningful. I want him to start yelling out some Zac De La Rocha lines.
10) Take, Take Take: It's a great song... now doubt about it. But it's just that... well... I dunno... the whole thing lets me down a little. Jack's been building up this Rita Hayworth stuff for a while now (major symbol #2, people) and when he gets to Take Take Take it feels much much more forced than other tracks. The themes are still powerful, they just aren't veiled in the usual great song lines a la Blue Orchid. That said I think playing the music whilst singing at the same time must almost kill jack. It's syncopated like a fox.
11) As Ugly As I Seem: This is song title number 2 that I absolutely adore. It's just great. Unfortunately I don't like the song very much. Personal opinion though. I get to this part of almost every album and keep finding that the artists put their slow songs, like this there. Nightswimming is on Automatic for the People, Raining in Baltimore is on August and Everything After, Coldplay's latesat album, Kings of Leon's latest album, Even Nick Cave's abbatoir blues... this is the part of the record that always is slow where I want it to be fast. Fast and catchy, bringing me to a climax before a slow, outgoing last song. Instead, i keep getting these lesser songs, not quite good enough to go in the early stuff, relegated to the dark park where the ugly animals play. Good name, but i'd take this song out.
12) Red Rain: This song is to die for. Don't take my word for it. You have to hear it for yourself. It's sooooo..... good. Even the title evokes scenes of beautiful horror, simple hell drawn out on guitars. the best way to describe this song is Aesthetic Pain.
13) I'm Lonely (But I ain't that lonely yet): In case you couldn't guess, this is the other title I just fell for. And it's a great song. Just absolutely perfect. The White Stripes REALLY know how to end an album (Your Southern Can Is Mine, Well It's True That We Love One Another) and they don't break a good trend now. Why I like it so much is that It feels like a cover version. It sounds so much like Jack doing a great, innuendo laden mix up of a country classic, but it's all new gold. Just a plain great song that I don't doubt will be covered in the future by many other people. This is the quiet let down I want, and I like it. The album leaves me kind of darkened, but smiling and content that there's a lot to be said for alcoholic cynicism.
4 and 1/2 stars.
posted by Cal Samson at 8:10 PM
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